Pieces of Time
by Thre3
Summary: AU. Beckett is withholding a secret from Castle. After a traffic accident, she finds herself unable to recall any memories from parts of 2011 onward, Will she remember what she needs to or what she wants to? Could it damage or potentially save her relationship? **Caskett (eventually) Pre-wedding Alternate Universe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: **(JUST A HEADS UP) **Hey Everyone, this story is totally out of whack and is something I felt like writing. It has literally been almost a year (roughly 11 months) since I've written fanfiction so cut me a little bit of slack. Of course, constructive criticism is always welcome! It is also a completely different pre wedding alternate universe. THANK YOU!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Castle

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Beckett woke up to the sound of another person. She kept her eyes closed and listened for a few seconds before opening them, just so she could be prepared for what she was about to see.

"Castle?!" she exclaimed, pulling her blanket close to her neck whilst waiting for an explanation as to why he was here, watching her sleep. What seemed to her like an action that required no energy whatsoever, pulling a blanket up to her neck had already been too fast of a move for someone who had just woken up. She sank back down in her bed.

Castle looked up from the magazine he was reading and stared at her. He was almost unable to believe that she'd woken up.

"Kate, oh thank God," he let out a huge sigh of relief.

Dazed and confused, Beckett had no choice but to voice the thoughts that immediately came to her mind.

"What are you doing here?" she looked at her surroundings, "What am _I_ doing here?"

She suddenly felt very uncomfortable in her own skin, she was lying in a hospital bed and she had no idea how she'd gotten there. She took a deep breath and let it out, forcefully. With no memory of receiving any injuries recently, Beckett felt extremely vulnerable and the only person who could fill in the blanks was Castle. She stared at him with suspicion.

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do at this point, so I'm just gonna go get your doctor," Castle began walking towards the door until Beckett asked him to stop.

"Wait," she said softly, "please just…tell me _something_, I have no idea what I'm doing here and I don't want to wait for my …_doctor,_" she tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and looked away from him as he sat back down in the seat next to her bed.

"Well, Kate, you were in an accident. You were on a bus that got hit by a car and I don't know if you noticed but you broke your foot," he smiled awkwardly, "You've been in a coma…well you've been unconscious for 9 days now and Dr Clarkson, your doctor, told us that it would be normal for you to be suffering mild amnesia after the accident," he tried speaking slowly and calmly but everything seemed to spill out of his mouth like he had no control.

She stared at him blankly, not really knowing what to do with this information. Beckett wracked her brain for the last thing she remembers, but everything was fuzzy.

"Do you know where I was going?" she asked, wondering why she'd need to take a bus.

"Actually, you were a little bit mysterious about that. It was just after you'd met me for lunch, you'd told me you had something important to talk to me about but you needed to go do something else first," he shrugged. The sentence was a mouthful for him to say and perhaps too much information for her to take in all at once.

"Why was I meeting you?" she looked around, only asking him the question to fill the silence in the room.

"We were still discussing the guest list for the wedding," he gave a small shrug, wondering how much Kate actually remembered. As he said the word _wedding_, her eyes immediately met his.

_Whose Wedding?! _She thought to herself. She couldn't recall knowing anyone who was engaged, but the way Castle said it, it almost sounded as though he was referring to a wedding of someone close to the both of them. Why would _they_ be discussing the guest list _together_? She blinked a few times, causing Castle to frown.

"You look confused," he blurted out, "I mean of course, you're confused, but what exactly are you confused about?"

"Uh, I just need some time…to process all of this. Maybe you should go find Dr Clarkson," she gently gestured toward the door.

"Hey, you remember her name!" he stood up and smiled.

"No actually you mentioned her earlier," she frowned and tried not to smile.

"Right, sorry. Um, Kate? How much of this information is new to you?" he looked down worriedly. Dare he think maybe Kate doesn't remember their engagement?

She paused for a minute, and looked down at her hands.

"All of it, actually," she said slowly, still trying to avoid eye contact.

Thoughts raced through Castle's mind. How much_ did_ she remember? She remembered him so that was good. But what year did she really think it was? Does she even remember their relationship?!

"Kate, what year is it?" he asked her quickly with a straight face.

"What?" she frowned, "…2011?" she had to think for a minute before answering him. But her answer only seemed to make him angry, he started walking toward the door but before he could make it all the way, she opened her mouth, "Castle!?" she exclaimed, but he kept on walking. She looked for the nearest item she could find that would have a date on it, but didn't see anything.

_Why is he so mad? _She thought to herself. To distract herself from the pain in her foot, she tried her best to remember the day of her accident. She had just left Castle, no memory of that. She had something to do, no memory of what that could've been, but for some reason, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had something important to tell him. It was almost as though she was hiding something from him but she had idea what.

Castle paced quickly through hallways and double doors to find the doctor overseeing Beckett's progress. He found himself becoming frustrated at how large one ward in a hospital could be when he couldn't find the doctor's office. He stopped by a vending machine and softly hit his fist against the wall_. Kate was missing 3 years of her life._ Their entire relationship and almost their friendship was gone in a flash. He sat down and made himself a coffee, remembering how he felt every single day he sat in the chair next to Kate's bed after her accident. He knew she was going to make it through, but his worst fears were that she wouldn't remember anything. They were irrational, but they dominated his thoughts so often. It was 9 days of suffering for him as he watched his fiancé's memories fade away in her unconsciousness. He started slowly walking back to her room when he came across Dr Clarkson.

"Dr Clarkson," he tried to flag her down.

"Mr Castle, I've just left Kate, she's doing great and appears to be in pretty good shape," she smiled at him.

"No, no she's not! She doesn't remember anything past 2011! That's not great!" he found himself raising his eyebrows extremely high.

"Mr Castle-" she was cut off by some insane ramblings.

"You told me that she would have amnesia. Fine, but you said it would be a few weeks or maybe months tops! She's lost almost 3 years!" he put one hand on his forehead to cool himself down.

"I'm sorry, but I can't predict exactly what will happen to each individual patient. Unfortunately Kate lost out a little but don't lose hope, her memory isn't gone forever," she looked at him almost sympathetically, but it was masked with a neutral face that stated this was just her job. It was obvious she came across hysterical people like Castle every single day and it was definitely not out of the ordinary.

"So I just need to sit back helplessly and watch Kate figure everything out on her own," he said softly, unsure as to whether or not he meant it as a statement or a question.

"Well it would be a great help to Kate if you showed your support by bringing some things to help her remember. Photos, music, sometimes even food can trigger memories," Dr Clarkson nodded with a smile and politely excused herself.

He took a deep breath and made his way back to Kate's room. When he got there, she was sitting up straight, and looked much calmer than when he'd left. Jim Beckett was sitting in the seat Castle had left.

He greeted his future son-in-law with a smile. "I called your friend Lanie and told her to pass on the message about Katie," he smiled and squeezed his daughters hand.

Kate swallowed and looked at Castle.

"I'll give you guys some time," he said, and stepped back out of the room.

Castle sat in his office as soon as he got home from the hospital. He was uneasy after realising he'd have to start all over again with Kate. What took him 5 years could not take him another 5 years. He needed to get as many things together to help his fiancé that _she was his fiancé._

At this same moment, Kate was discussing the past 3 years with her best friend, who was explaining everything she'd missed, leaving out the details of one Richard Castle's relationship with her. Her Dad had left the two ladies to talk things over, and said he'd visit again tomorrow.

"Lanie, I get that you want him to tell me everything himself-"

"Actually, I want you to remember everything yourself, but yes, continue," she interrupted Beckett without any hesitation.

"You've got to give me something to go on here. I don't know where we stand on anything. The last significant thing I remember was a magician…I mean, what about Gina?" Kate asked, referring to the struggle Castle had with his ex-wife Gina. She brought a hand up to her temple in worry. Lanie merely raised her eyebrows.

"Girl, he's got a lot of explaining to do and I do not want to be held responsible for any misinterpretation," she said lightly as to try and put Kate at ease. She smiled, and Beckett merely smirked.

Beckett took a deep breath, desperately wanting to ask Lanie who was getting married soon. But she was afraid of the answer. The best thing she could do now was focus on whatever it was she was doing in the minutes before her accident. But thinking about that only gave her the uneasy feeling that she was hiding something, not only from Castle but everybody she cared about.

Castle walked into the hospital room bearing a large box filled with items he thought may help Kate remember everything. She sat up suddenly and looked at him with a piercing stare that caused him to stop in his tracks.

"I have to tell you something," she frowned as the words came out her mouth.

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**A/N**: Do I continue? Do I discontinue?

Thanks for reading! I know I'm a little rusty on my writing skills after 11 months of not writing. (WOW)

I realise this story doesn't make a lot of sense right now but there will be Caskett eventually, of course. xo


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thanks so much for the reviews, faves & alerts, I totally wasn't excepting that kind of response! I hope you guys like this chapter too.

**Disclaimer**: I don't actually know if I need to put a disclaimer at the beginning of every chapter but anyway, I don't own Castle.

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With Kate's memory loss, it was almost like going back to beginning and losing everything they'd worked for. She didn't feel comfortable in her own skin and he didn't feel like she loved him. He knew she did, somewhere deep down but, it wasn't the same. She wasn't the same. He didn't think she ever would be and that was something they had to work through together.

_Castle walked into the hospital room bearing a large box filled with items he thought may help Kate remember everything. She sat up suddenly and looked at him with a piercing stare that caused him to stop in his tracks. _

"_I have to tell you something," she frowned as the words came out her mouth. _

A million thoughts were running through his mind. He had no idea what she was going to say and it scared him. Had she suddenly remembered everything? Had Lanie triggered something?

"What? What is it?" he quickly responded. She bit her lip.

"I…" she said slowly and quietly, "I'm sorry," she finally said.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" he swiftly moved closer to her and Lanie frowned in worry.

"No," she said flatly, "It's just that I don't remember what I actually need to tell you but I do remember _something_," she said with confusion.

"Honey, that's great!" Lanie said happily.

"Not exactly," Beckett simpered.

"What do you remember?" Castle asked impatiently.

"A feeling," she replied almost angrily at how ridiculous it sounded.

"A feeling?" Lanie repeated.

"Yeah, I suddenly remember how I felt right before my accident. I was trying to focus on remembering the accident itself, but all I got was a feeling," she shrugged with disappointment.

"A feeling like an emotion? Or a feeling like a presence? A feeling like you're surroundings?" Castle blinked rapidly, trying to figure out what was going on in Kate's mind.

"An emotion. I think. Like anticipation about where I was going or who I was going to see or maybe even_ what_ I was going to see," her eyes widened.

"This is all very confusing," Lanie shook her head, "I'm gonna leave you two alone and get back to work. Castle I'll text you when the boys are coming in okay?"

Kate merely nodded at her friend with a small smile as she watched Lanie walk out the door.

Kate swallowed the lump she felt in her throat before opening her mouth to speak.

"Lanie told me about Josh and about…a lot of things," she shrugged waiting for a reaction.

"Okay," he gave her a small smile.

"What's in the box?" she said as she glanced at the large box in Castle's hands. He walked around to the other side of the bed and sat where Lanie had been sitting.

"Well, quite a few odds and ends from over the years," he said with a gentle smile as he lifted the lid of the box off.

Kate peered inside the box and picked up a stack of photos. She flipped through each photo individually. They appeared to be form some kind of party, she saw all of their mutual friends and family, smiling and laughing. Plus a few extra people she didn't recognise. They were all standing in an apartment she didn't recognise as well.

Then she came across a photo of herself standing next to Castle. Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun and she was wearing a beautiful black dress. Castle was on crutches. As she continued flipping through the photos, they became more and more intimate. She'd see photos of herself sitting with Castle, laughing with him. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but it still somehow looked different. Like they were both happy with just each other's company and nothing or no one else.

"That's from my birthday party," Castle interrupted her thoughts. She inhaled quickly, as he startled her.

"Oh? When was that?" she looked him in the eye.

"2013, so last year," he said as he took one of the photos from her hands and smiled at the happy memory, "You threw me a surprise party. Faked a murder and everything. It was the sweetest gift I'd ever gotten."

"Faked a murder?" she frowned at how he said that like it was a normal birthday activity.

"See we weren't supposed to be in New York. But I broke my leg and I was practically on house arrest and to cheer me up, you leased out the apartment across the way from my loft. You and my mother planned this whole murder and I witnessed it. You did it because I was bored. You did it because…" he trailed off.

"I'm glad I could make you so happy," she filled the silence and gently put her hand closer to his, almost reaching to hold it. He moved his closer to hers and leaned in physically.

"I don't think I ever really properly thanked you for everything you did for me. Not just the birthday party but everything… You were there for me in more ways than you ever realised," he visibly swallowed, as though preparing to say something else.

She narrowed her eyes at him, slightly concerned about how she should respond to the next thing that came out of his mouth.

"And now, it's almost like it's too late. Even if I do thank you, it's not the same. It's like we've lost something we can't get back," he said slowly.

"I don't think it's too late," she said confidently. This time she did reach for his hand, and held it. He blinked at her.

"Thank you," he said.

"Always," she made eye contact briefly and then quickly looked away. It was a strange feeling that took over body then. He was thanking her for things she didn't remember, but she knew she should have been thanking him for the support and patience he's showing her right now. Everything he'd done since she woke up.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. She laughed at his sudden change of tone.

"Uh, yeah actually I am but…" she made a face of disgust, indicating how she felt about the food she'd received so far.

"Maybe I can get you a hot drink?" he raised his eyebrows, "Or maybe even a drink from the fridge if you prefer something cooler," he shrugged.

"From the fridge?" she tilted her head to one side, as though the concept was familiar in some way. But then shrugged it off as nothing.

"Are you allowed to actually get out of bed?" he asked.

"Yes I am, but I have to be careful on my foot because of the boot," she gestured to her foot.

"Here, let me help you," he held his arm out for her to hold as she slowly stepped off her bed.

"I think I might make myself some coffee. Do they have real coffee machines here or are they those crazy vending machines that make everything taste like sludge?" she said as she limped to the elevator.

"Sludge City unfortunately," he said flatly.

"Lovely," she murmured.

He walked her to the elevator and hit the button for ground floor. Neither of them were looking forward to even seeing what their options were.

"Why are you so quiet?" she asked suddenly.

"I'm not, I'm just distracted," he shrugged, her arm still linked in with his, using him to keep her balance.

"Oh okay," she nodded as though she wouldn't bring it up again, "by what?"

He smirked and stayed silent for a moment, giving her reason to stare at him even though he wasn't looking at her.

"I feel like I've lost something," he said.

She looked away from him and around the elevator as the doors opened, her arm flinching a little as they stepped out together. She didn't say anything until they arrived at their desired destination.

The two stood in front of the only food available to them at the hospital.

"Castle," Beckett said.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't make me eat that," she said with a worried expression on her face, trying to make him forget what he'd said earlier.

"I don't wanna make you eat anything you don't want to, but you have to eat_ something,_" he replied softly. She looked at him and furrowed her eyebrows a little.

"You sound…worried," she said with confusion. He bit the inside of his cheek and sighed.

"I am," he said after a pause, "I mean of course I am. You're a patient, in a hospital."

"As oppose to being a patient _out_ of a hospital?" she laughed.

"Kate, that doesn't even make sense," he said with a serious tone, not taking his eyes away from the site of the awful food.

"Yeah I…" she trailed off, "I'm sorry. What's wrong? It's not a big deal, I'll eat it, I mean I'm not gonna starve myself," she frowned at him but he still wasn't looking at her. She wanted to ignore what he'd said in the elevator.

"That doesn't make me any less worried," he said softly. She forced him to turn at look at her finally.

She stared into his vacant eyes. He looked like a boy who'd lost something he could never get back no matter how hard he tried.

"You haven't lost me Rick," she said.

She slid her right arm underneath his and around his back, waiting a few seconds before doing the same thing with her left arm, tightly but gently pulling him into a warm hug, resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes as he reciprocated the gesture, tightly but gently wrapping his arms around her back. Neither of them said anything further, they both felt as though they didn't need to. She slowly pulled herself out of the hug just far enough to look at his face. He brought his hands up to her face, holding her head in his hands.

Slowly, their lips met in the middle and it was first thing that didn't seem wrong or unfamiliar to Kate.

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**A/N**: This chapter took a lot out of me because life has been keeping me busy/tired.

Thanks for reading! xo


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Most of this chapter was written on the 20th October and was not finished until now. Just a warning/**apology** in case some things don't flow smoothly.

**Disclaimer**: Castle is not mine, hope you enjoy!

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She thought about what had just happened. It had felt good. It had felt right. She felt…safe.

Kate lay back in her bed waiting for Castle to come back to the hospital with some edible food. She sighed, thinking about their kiss. Thinking about how she would've felt before the accident. Judging by that kiss, she must've been happy. Though she still couldn't remember, she could only imagine.

She wondered what their relationship was like, because this concept was somewhat new to her, given that she couldn't remember much past the Zalman Drake case. She stared up at the roof of the hospital thinking about the wedding they had been planning together.

Their wedding.

Lanie had informed Kate that she was engaged to Rick and instead of feeling completely rattled by this information, Kate felt that it was coming, she almost expected this. Maybe not marriage, but _something_ was always there between them. The whole world knew, it would've been obvious to a blind man selling pencils.

They were happy. Or at least she hoped they were. They weren't now, but they could be again. It'd never be the same though.

Marrying Richard Castle? She couldn't. She barely remembered their relationship, all those moments. What she had with him was gone, but what he had with her will always be there for him.

Maybe they could experience those moments again. Would it be so bad to start from the beginning? Not if it meant experiencing that happiness again, like it was the first time happening. If everything was like that kiss, how bad could anything be? Kate smiled at the thought.

But _marriage? _

Thinking of the wedding again made her nervous. The kiss, though it was amazing, it was still a little fast for her, almost too sudden. But she didn't regret anything. Kate knew she needed time to think. All of these thoughts were rushing through her head and giving her completely mixed emotions. Nothing was making sense. She needed to focus on her memory and whatever it was she was hiding from everybody.

"Kate!" Castle hollered from the door. Suddenly hearing his voice calling out to her made Kate remember something briefly. Castle tackling her to the ground, leaning above her. But as quickly as the memory appeared, it disappeared and she couldn't recall anything else. She blinked her eyes long and hard.

"Hey…Castle…" she said slowly. He looked much happier than he usually does when he walks in. Almost like an afterglow from the kiss.

"Everything alright? You seem a little more daydream-y than you should," Castle raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I don't know I think I… remembered something. I have no idea when it happened or where I was or anything," she frowned in annoyance and disappointment.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked without looking up at her, he was too busy setting up food for Kate to eat.

"Right now we do need to talk…but about something else," she said as she gently placed her hand on his forearm to try and subtly pull him away from the food.

He looked at her finally and sat down.

"I…" she couldn't bring herself to say it quickly even though she wanted to.

He patiently waited, even though he could almost guess what she was about to say. After all, this had happened before.

"I need some time," she finished quietly.

There it was. The phrase and words Castle had been dreading since Kate had woken from her coma. The phase in their relationship where things changed. It was the moment that wounded their relationship in the past and he was reliving it all over again. How would he respond to it this time? What if history was really repeating itself? He refused to not see Kate for nearly three months.

"I want to be with you and I want to have everything we had before but I'm just not…" she trailed off but he knew what she was trying to say.

"Kate I wasn't going to ask you to marry me right here, right now," he said sympathetically.

"No, I… I know, I think. I'm sorry, I just need to get used to this," she said, gesturing and forth between them, "I feel like I want this but I'm not ready for-"

"Everything else," he interrupted, finishing her sentence.

"It's not because of you." She quickly continued, "Well it is, but not in the way you might think," she shrugged.

"Kate, I wasn't going to ask you to marry me right here, right now," he smirked.

"Yeah… I know. But I needed to say this."

"So... Are you still in this thing we have going on?" he asked quietly.

"_We're_ in this, together," she concluded with a nod.

Castle physically sighed.

"But there is something else I have to say," she pursed her lips as she thought of how to word what was on her mind, "last night I had a really strange dream. I was with this boy and I wanted to help him and get to know him but his father was…" she trailed off, thinking about the dream.

"A little boy and his father?" Castle frowned, he had no idea where she was going with this.

"It felt a little too real Castle," she said worriedly.

"So it could be a memory?" he tilted his head to one side.

"I was hoping you could help me with that. How many little boys do I know?"

He raised one eyebrow at her, "Just one."

"Great, who is he?" she asked eagerly.

"Kate I was referring to myself, sorry. I really don't know of any little boys or…_fathers_ of little boys in your life right now," he shook his head in disappointment.

"How can it be a memory if you don't know what I'm talking about?" Beckett was starting to sound frustrated.

"You know how, Kate. You were on a bus, when you got into an accident. I don't know where you were going or what you were doing. I don't know why _any_ of this is happening," he did his best to stay calm while he was speaking to her, to try and avoid fighting.

Beckett took a deep breath. She felt a pang of guilt, thinking about how much she'd hidden from her loved ones. She looked away from him and frowned to herself.

"Why would I do this?" she said suddenly, "Why would I keep this from you? It must have been important to me, right? Why wouldn't I tell anyone about it?" she was verbalising her frustrations more loudly now, getting angrier and angrier at herself for things she had no memory of.

Beckett held her face in her hands and Castle felt completely helpless.

"I don't want to be here anymore Castle. I want to get back to work, I want to be…me again," she struggled on the words.

"I'm sorry," he said.

He didn't know how to help her through. Feeling the sudden urge to take his anger and hurt out on someone, Castle decided to do them both a favour and change the topic.

"Just think about seeing Gates again," he said with a small chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Gates?"

Castle's eyes widened. He'd almost forgotten just how much of her life was missing from Kate's memory. Maybe Lanie hadn't filled her in on _everything_.

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**A/N**: Thoughts?

I'm not entirely happy with it because I'm still stuck in exam/assignment mode from Uni. Thanks for reading.


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